Insane, Made-Up Yard Games for Dads and Kids

  The insane yard games we seemed to make up every Summer, in the half acre of lawn and asphalt around my house, happened spontaneously. Only after the rules actually worked did they become family traditions. And so we have Yard Ball.  Bolf.  Bagball.

  There was the time, for example, when I stood in the driveway beneath the basketball hoop, holding a football, but my boys, then 10 and 7, wanted something more intense than playing catch. A straight game of tackle football didn’t seem like a fair match between a huge, 5’8” man and two elementary school  kids. So I put the street hockey net on the other side of the driveway.

“You guys have to throw the football...or…kick it…into this hockey net to score a point,” I improvised. “I play goalie, and I try to shoot the football into the basketball hoop.”

  Yes, that’s the original story of how All Ball was born.

  Every great sport, and every stupid one too, was invented once upon a time, by a pioneering nut with time to kill and equipment meant for other things. In 1891, gym teacher James Naismith concocted basketball to keep his hyperactive students from wrecking the building during winter months. He tried something called “battleball.” Then, inspired by a game called “duck on a rock” he had played as a kid, he got a soccer ball and some peach baskets (after first asking the janitor for wooden boxes), and he made 13 rules for basketball. Today, professionals are making thousands of dollars a year playing it.

   In early baseball, the pitcher was a human batting tee who merely served up the ball with a soft toss, to help the batter hit it. His ERA was garbage. Fielders could get a runner out by nailing him with a throw (an  innovation that has made kickball our National Pastime).

   Obviously, you don’t have to be a genius to invent a sport that gives rambunctious youngsters and desperate dads a break from the same old stick-and-ball routine. You just need an old ball, a stick, some chalk, PVC tubing, a fish net, duct tape, a hula hoop, two sawhorses, a garage door, a couple of trees, grappling hooks, a swing set, and a maybe a garden hose.

   These made-up sports are specifically designed to let kids and dad compete on a more or less even footing. In their own way, they develop all kinds of athletic and competitive skills. Here are some that we play when mom won’t let us back inside. Play these, or think up your own for a change:


ALL BALL

  All Ball is as straightforward as any sport that involves a football, a hockey net, and a basketball hoop. Simply set up a portable hockey goal facing a basketball hoop, a reasonable distance away. Generally we’re talking about the width of your driveway, or the length or your driveway, depending which direction your backboard faces. Park the Subaru and the Escalade somewhere else for a while.
 
  The team that needs an advantage will shoot into the cavernous hockey goal, although in a game with even teams you may switch sides each half.

   To start, get a radio or CD boombox, because the length of each half is three complete songs. The dad team punts the football into the air. The receiving team’s job is to get the ball into the hockey net. Running with the ball is allowed, and dribbling isn’t is required, though feel free to try it. The ball may be thrown or kicked into the net, though all players on the offensive team must hold the ball at some point before a goal will count (this encourages passing).

    Tackling isn’t allowed, but pretty heavy-duty grabbing is. Each goal counts for one point. After a goal, the scoring team goes to its side and punts. Flagrant fouls and other infractions may be called by dad, granting the violated team member a foul shot or a penalty kick with no goalie.

    A ball behind a goal is in play, and if it goes on the grass you might as well tackle somebody. At halftime, drink from those juice containers that look like IV pouches. If at any point a team leads by 13, a technical victory is declared.


TROZY

  Trozy is a mutant of volleyball, using a backyard swing set as its net. Its name derives from “throw,” which is what you do, using any medium-sized, round, rubbery ball. The game was invented for kids about five years old, who called their stuffed animal penguin Penguiny and the leopard Leopardy. So, Trozy.

   Two players stand on opposite sides of the swing set about six feet back. Our set had one of those acrobat bars that you hang from by your hands or knees. To score a Trozy, you must throw the ball in such a way that the ball hits the hanging bar before proceeding through it, to the other side, and falling on the ground. If the player on the other side catches the ball, it’s no score, and then it’s his or her turn. If it goes straight through without hitting anything -- swish! -- no points. That’s a “Nozy.” If it bounces back, throw it again. Anything made to swing by the ball must be left swinging freely.

   In a version of the game that’s easier for really little kids, a ball thrown through the aperture of one of the swings (of course it must hit the swing or its chain on the way through and land on the other side) can count as one point (an “Ozy”), in which case a successful hanging-bar shot is worth two points. First player to 15 wins. Then drink juice out of those bags that look like IV pouches.


BOLF

  Bolf is golf: using a wiffle ball and bat as the club and ball, your hand as the tee, and a hockey goal as the hole. Place the hockey net in a distant corner of the backyard. Walk to the other side of the house and mark a starting place. Hit the ball out of your hand -- you know, toss it up and bat it. Where it lands, pick it up and hit it again. Repeat until you hit it into the hockey goal. The player taking the fewest strokes wins. Each player should have a ball, though you can share the bat. You can experiment with different course designs (bunkers, sandbox traps, etc.), and if you convince 17 neighbors to set up their yards, you get your own Pebble Beach Bolf Course.

BAGBALL

   Bagball wasn’t invented at home. We were at a pick-your-own vegetable farm, and it got, uh, boring. So we tried to see how far the wind would carry those flimsy plastic bags you put the okra and green beans in to weigh them. Turned out to be far enough to make a game, requiring nothing more than those stupid free bags, some breeze, and two lines on the ground, which need be no more exact than “past that tree.”

  Grab a bag. Face the wind and establish one line on the ground in front of you (The Release Line) and one behind you (the Goal Line). Twenty yards or so ought to separate them. Hold the bag up so that it fills with breeze and is ready to move if you let go. Run forward until you are over the Release Line and release the bag. You opponent’s job is to stop the bag from crossing the Goal Line. If it crosses, it’s one point. If he catches it, then he runs over the Release Line quickly, hoping to catch you out of position, and releases the bag toward the Goal Line.

 The feeling of “playing with the wind” is an indescribable, natural high. Not really. But it does test your agility and you get a good run.

YARDBALL

  A warning: Yardball is the most violent of our fun backyard games, and the most requested by the children. It is best played with a slightly deflated beachball, which has the unique properties of being easy to grasp in one hand, hard to throw any real distance, and soft when whipped at your head or groin. Set up two goals at far sides of the yard. They may be a chair and a rock, doesn’t matter. One team has to touch the ball to the chair. The other team has to touch the ball to the rock. By any means necessary (note: there is no hitting or kicking of other people allowed, nor scratching or gouging, and, conforming to Ultimate Fighting rules, no tickling).

  After you score, you punt or throw the ball to the other team. Play to 15, or until someone gets hurt.


INFANT BALL

   Here’s a sport you can play competitively against children as young as eight months. And at first they’ll kick your butt. Hold the child in one arm so that your heads are at about the same level. Hand the child a soft item such as a rolled-up baby sock. The infant’s goal is to throw the sock on the floor, and the little jock gets one point for each successful flooring. You score one point each time you catch the sock with your free hand before it hits the ground, provided the child doesn’t hit the ground either. The best child players are completely unpredictable.  Most don't even know they are playing.

   First player to 20 wins, and please be careful when diving for the sock near walls and doorways.

The Or Movie-Title Tournament

The Things that Haven't Happened Yet

As a public service, here is our newly updated list of the remaining things that haven't happened yet:

African-American elected president of United States
Water found on the moon
Peace in Middle East
Joe DiMaggio's consecutive-game hit record broken
World oil supply runs out
Bin Laden captured
Saddam is hanged
Starbucks announces cutbacks
Asteroid hits populated city
Major U.S. city ruined by flood
World Trade Center demolished by terrorists
Pete Rose enters baseball Hall of Fame
A famous ex-football player who kills people
Quantum mechanics reconciled with relativity
Britney Spears photographed without underpants
Time travel becomes possible
Global computer network for sharing pornography
Adam Sandler wins Best Actor
Polar ice caps begin melting
Huge tidal wave smashes 11 countries
Australia completely submerged
Secret identity of "Deep Throat" revealed
A prescription drug to induce erections
National ID cards implemented
Sisters genetically bred to play tennis
A "man" becomes pregnant
Electric cars that actually go
Bestselling memoir that inspires millions is mostly made up
Real mummy comes to life, attacks people
A popular Al Gore movie
Ability to turn invisible
Proof of extraterrestrial life
Respected actor wins top government job in California
Phillies win World Series
A national rating system for public drinking water
Cure for cancer
Robots take over
Chinese Democracy album is released

cross posted at Huffington Post

How Old is Your Car in People Years?

There's a simple formula for calculating this (a formula I invented). Take the mileage on the car's odometer and divide by the model year. The result is your car's age if it were a person.

Example: a 1994 Chevrolet Cavalier with 131,824 miles on it. Do the math:

131824/1994 = 66.1.

That car would be a 66 year old person.

Enjoy.  (Oh, and like they say: your mileage may vary.)

thanks to these sites that picked up this item:
Jalopnik...S2KI....Japanese Nostalgic Car...Irontrybe...Subi-Evo Treff...Digg...
(originally posted 11/28/2008)

To restart election, please press Ctrl-Alt-Del

This originally appeared in the Philadelphia Inquirer, before election day, on October 31, 2004

Congratulations! You are standing in the most sophisticated, all-digital voting booth ever used in a real election. Now you can cast a ballot to shape the future - and experience the future - all in one mind-bending session.

We developed this new generation of electronic voting booth because, frankly, we were frustrated with the way our old vacuum cleaner worked. The bag quickly clogged with dust, destroying the suction. More than 5,000 prototypes later, we perfected this space-age voting kiosk.

By following these instructions, you'll make your few moments inside this advanced voting booth rewarding and easy - and hopefully keep your state out of the newspapers. Here we go:

Step 1: Touch any metal surface to minimize the risk of static shock, then press the "Touch Here" screen to begin. Disengage the restraining bolt and insert the bar-coded Voter ID ticket you were given at the registration table. A list of candidates will appear along the right side of the screen, each name with either a parallelogram or a tilted diamond beside it. (Once you vote, each candidate you select will have a trapezoid beside his or her name, and those you don't choose will appear with a rhombus.)

Step 2: To make your selections, take hold of the crankshaft with your right hand and turn in a clockwise motion until the name of your desired candidate is highlighted in reverse type on the screen. At this point you have five seconds to hit the toggle switch above the "Verification" LED to confirm your selection. If you hear the familiar "Pac Man dying" sound, you must try again. Repeat this process for each vote you want to cast.

Step 3: Remove your Voter ID ticket. Your ballot "receipt" will print out onto the floor outside the booth. A wastebasket for receipts is located near the exit.

Troubleshooting:

Problem: The presidential portion of the vote screen lists the candidates as George W. Kerry and Jeffrey Nader.

Solution: It's possible you have the "Fast Shutdown" registry key enabled. Try deleting the COMVER.BIN file in the AOL directory and the MAIN.IDX file from the IDB folder, then copy the MAIN.IDX file from the backup folder to the IDB folder.

Problem: The nitrogen sensor appears to be blocked.

Solution: Telemetry may be off. Remove the shelving unit beneath monitor with a 1/8-inch Allen wrench. Insert any pen or pencil into the "reset" hole to function as a circuit breaker. Replace shelving unit and retighten bolts.

Problem: The "ejector" light is illuminated and a timer is counting down toward 0:00.

Solution: Somehow a polymerase chain reaction has been initiated. There is a risk of mutation. Open the access panel marked "no user-serviceable parts inside" and locate the node of wires connected to the centrifuge. Carefully cut the blue wire - no, wait, the red.

A Letter from the NBA to Hockey Fans

This originally appeared in the Philadelphia Inquirer on Sept. 20, 2004, prior to the NHL strike:

Dear Hockey Fan,

Those of us at the National Basketball Association were saddened to hear that the NHL season is "on ice," as they say. Not sad for ourselves - we're having a great time chuckling about it - but sad for you, the fans, who might miss a whole season of sitting in refrigerated arenas, watching the exciting sliding of a tiny rubber disc across a frozen surface with bent sticks.

We can't make hockey come back. (Actually, some of us probably could, because we own hockey teams, too.) But what we'd like to say is: This fall and winter, why not check out the game of basketball?

Sure, our invented-in-America sport, with its "ball" and "technical fouls" and more than 60 points scored by each team in every game may seem hard to follow. Perhaps it will look not quite as white to you as hockey does, because our playing surfaces consist of auburn-colored wooden boards rather than sheets of ice.

But basketball isn't such a difficult game to understand, and you'll be happy to know that many of the shouts of encouragement you are able to scream anonymously at players from the stands of a hockey arena are adaptable to basketball. Numerous terms used in hockey have similar meanings in basketball, such as "center" and "shoot" and "the lawsuit was dropped."

The first thing you may notice when watching a basketball game is that our nets are not at ground level but are mounted on poles 10 feet high. Of course, this makes playing goalie quite a challenge. In fact, goaltending is illegal in basketball, saving our players thousands of dollars every season in custom-painted animal-face masks.

Of course, our players don't use sticks, either. Not since Shawn Bradley bulked up his legs. They don't use all the equipment and layers of protection and clothing that hockey players do, and you may find the tattoos visible on many NBA players' exposed skin to be quite engrossing. That's not a helmet you'll see on the Detroit Pistons' Ben Wallace. It's a special hairstyle he has, with the head protection built right in.

Simply translating the hockey terminology you know into equivalent basketball lingo will take you a long way toward understanding our game.

For example, instead of having two "defensemen" on the ice for each team, we have two "guards" who, in theory - well, perhaps it used to be this way - also work hard playing defense and make passes to set up their team's offensive-minded players.

You have "penalties." We call them "fouls." Both are called as ways of saying to players, "Hey, you really shouldn't have broken that guy's neck." A penalty in hockey forces one player to sit down and his teammates to work harder. A foul in basketball leaves one guy to work while everybody else stands around watching.

Hockey players move between the bench and the game "on the fly." In basketball, we have a horn that we sound to proclaim the moment when any player actually gets tired enough to sit down.

A "goon" in our game is simply called "Ron Artest." It's that easy.

We invite you, as a hockey fan, to embrace basketball in the coming weeks and months because - get used to it - it's going to be a while. You will be amazed watching our athletes turn straightforward two-point shots into crazed, over-the-top public exhibitions. You'll marvel at the acrobatic mascots gyrating at something we call "halftime." You'll be awestruck by the freedom we give our team owners to disagree with the commissioner.

And our games are only 48 minutes.

And parking is free.

Just kidding about that last one.

Sincerely,

National Basketball Association

The 10 Greatest Athlete Initials Logos

Only the elite-of-the-elite athletes have formed personal logos out of their initials. But what does a sports star's unique monogram say about him? Let's go to the pictures. All the logos here are authentic.

1. Roger Federer. When they ask Roger if he wants to sell a line of women's luxury handbags, he'll be ready.

2. Reggie Bush. See, it's RB. But, look again: it's also 25. And look one more time: the face of an old woman in a shawl. Now stop looking.

3. Tiger Woods. Elegant and classic, like something Frank Lloyd Wright would kill a man with. All of Tiger's cattle bear this brand.

4. Chad Ocho Cinco. This incredibly merges three letters into one symbol that actually copyrights itself.

5. Tom Brady. He's trying to spell TB and 12, I think. But that's a 13, right? Why not just buy a Tampa Bay hat?

6. LeBron James. Here we go again with the initials and the number. Coincidentally this also is the Chinese Kanji symbol for "Braylon Edwards punched my friend."

7. Manny Pacquiao. This is either a cool, medieval-dynasty-looking insignia, or a cartoon cat smoking a cigarette (squint hard).

8. Kobe Bryant. Wow, that's a pretty fancy new logo for Burger King.

9. Terrell Owens. There's something overtly feminine and masculine about this logo all at once. Like it could go mate with itself.

10. Andre Berto. You didn't even know who Andre Berto was. Now you do. That's Logo Marketing 101, baby.

The Wronglopedia

Apples
No one knows where nature’s first fruit originated, but it has become a metaphor for evil, probably due to the infamous "Adam’s Apple" section of the Bible. Apples are now available in several colors and a variety of fruit flavors, including the popular "original' flavor.

Austen, Jane
Austen was one of several bold sisters who set the literary world on fire with their racy and controversial writings at a time when women were not allowed to write. Many of Austen's novels have been made into Hollywood movies, including the classic Pretty Woman.

Beach Boys
Like many of the other British bands that came out of Liverpool, England during the mid-Sixties, the Beach Boys lived constantly in the shadow of their more famous musical neighbors, the Beatles. But the Beach Boys earned notoriety of their own. They changed their tame, barbershop-quarter-style into a take-no-prisoners attitude that frequently led to smashed equipment and trashed hotel rooms. The group disbanded after an incident at a beachfront music festival, when, while they sang their classic hit Wipeout, a concertgoer was fatally stabbed by bodyguards. It was the end of an era.

Casablanca
Audiences swooned when leading man Humphrey Bogart, in the 1945 movie adaption of this Shakespeare play, gazed into the teary eyes of Ingrid Bergman and uttered the famous farewell line, "Say it ain’t so, kid." Casablanca would eventually win numerous Oscars for the catchphrases it has contributed to our language. These have included "Play it again, Sam," "Round up the usual suspects," and "Frankly, Charlotte, I really don’t give a damn."

Chaplin, Charlie
The Aussie actor, unable to speak, struggled in Hollywood until his classic turn as Little Hitler in the silent movie spoof, a film in which his body was famously crushed by the gears of a huge factory machine. Upon returning to England, he was feted with a ticker-tape parade and knighted – to become the official chaplin of Great Britain. After his death, Hollywood made a movie based on his life, Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.

Chess
The ancient game of war strategy is based on the actual movement patterns of royal and religious leaders and soliders during the Middle Ages, a time during which bishops of the Anglican Church, for sacramental reasons, were restricted to moving diagonally. A simplified version, checkers, was later produced.

China
Though not the largest country in terms of geography, China has a population of more than one billion citizens and is the only nation whose people are visible from space! China was populated in prehistoric times by Peking Man, whose Peking Duck was a delicacy enjoyed by many of the workers who assembled the massive Great Wall of China. That was soon to change, however, when the Communists took power during the Red Scare era and began a lucrative opium trade. It was U.S. president Ronald Reagan who, as part of his "Just Say No to Drugs" campaign, forced Communist leaders to "tear down the wall."

Citizen Kane
Acclaimed today as the best film ever made, Orson Welles’ epic tale of greed and loss was initially dismissed by critics, who panned its over-the-top special effects and called its supernatural elements unrealistic -- in particular the numerous flashback sequences in which the embittered Kane, after dying, is rescued by a guardian angel and forced to view his life from a new perspective. But the film was noteworthy at the time of its release for another reason: it scared millions of Americans into believing the Martians had landed in New Jersey.

Corn
It's been called "The Yellow Seed of Life," and with good reason -- each year, Americans consume over 40 tons of popcorn. In addition to being popped, corn can be canned, niblet-ed, or eaten right off the stick. Indian Corn is corn that has been hand painted. Candy Corn isn't actually corn at all -- it's a legume.

Edison, Thomas
Edison invented more than 100 objects that we now take for granted when using every day, such as the kinetoscope, but he is probably best known for that fateful day, when, flying a kite in a thunderstorm, he harnessed nature’s raging power of electricity. After setting up elaborate networks to distribute electric power to businesses and homes, he turned his attention to what would become a ruinous, life-long obsession, fiendishly vowing to do everything in his power to stop batteries and to "crush" battery-powered items.

Finnegan’s Wake
One of the most horrifying novels in literature, this book chronicles the death and revenge of a cruel Irishman and the "survivors" who must confront him. Author James Joyce, a master of the macabre, also wrote the chilling Ulysses.

Flubber
The substance made by the Eskimo people of Alaska, using whale body-parts, was a prime ingredient in delicious Eskimo Pies. It later inspired a series of Hollywood comedies and helped launch the career of legendary actor Jerry Lewis.

Gates, Bill
They called him "The King," and who could argue? William Jefferson Gates III worked his way up from programmer to president of the world’s largest software company, Microsoft Corporation, and became history’s richest man, promising to deliver helpful information to everyone.

Gehrig, Lou
"Iron Mike" Gehrig got a hit every time he picked up a baseball bat – a feat that stood as an unbeatable record until it was beaten by Cal Ripken, Jr. Gehrig was baseball’s most beloved character during his playing days for the New York Yankees in the 1920s and ‘30s. "I never met a man I didn’t like," he once said. Gehrig’s emotional retirement speech will always be remembered as, in Lou’s own words from that afternoon, "a day that will live in infamy."

Hope, Bob
Though most famous as a spaced-out comedian whose metaphysical zingers always made audiences think twice, Bob Hope actually began his career as a boxer; in the ring he was called "The Great White" Hope. He next started performing in vaudeville, where he earned fame with such classic quips as "well, I never!" and 'Take my wife…please!" That proved to be his ticket to Hollywood, where he made a series of movies in which he went "on the road" with fleet-footed partner Fred Astaire. "On the Road" later became a popular book.

Horizon
The point where the earth meets the sky, the horizon has never successfully been reached by explorers, though from a distance it has appeared that several navigators made it there.

Jack-o-lanterns
Is it true or not – the much-disputed theory that our tradition of carving pumpkins into distorted faces, and putting candles inside to make facial features glow, was inspired by aliens who visited Earth tens of thousands of years ago? It seems plausible enough -- but the implications are mindbending. While evidence continues to mount on both sides of the debate, historians sit awaiting the deciding shred of proof that will conclusively tip the scales.

Kaufman, Andy
No one knew whether to take the strange comedian and actor of the 1970s seriously until he accepted the role of the "wacked out cabbie" in the chilling film Taxi Driver

Magna Carta
Named to honor the scorching lava flows from the volcanos of Mount Olympus that wiped out the Roman Empire, the Magna Carta announced a new civilzation in Europe, dedicated to equality for all people.

McDonald’s
As immortalized in the childhood song (Old McDonald), this restaurant franchise was launched by an aging farmer whose noisy livestock, initially a source of frustration, became his ticket to riches.

Memphis
City in Tennessee, birthplace of "the blues," a tuneful music of despair and resignation that rose out of the city’s devastation during World War II.

Newhart, Bob
The dry-mouthed comedian scored big with classic shows from television’s past, including Bob and Newhart. He put it all together with The Bob Newhart Show, in which he played the role of psychologist Bob Marley with the standard friend named Jerry.

Oats
Oatmeal, oat bran and other products made of this natural grain are enjoyed oat-lovers worldwide, allowing its inventors, the Quakers, to expand their empire by building casinos across America.

Oranges
Oranges are the only fruit named solely for their color. Most oranges in Florida actually grow on lemon trees, which explains Florida a bit.

Pink Floyd
The British progressive rock band scored big with the best-selling music album of all time, Dark Side of the Wall.

poetry
Little did Edgar Allan Poe realize as he penned his masterwork "The Raven" that his new rhyming form of storytelling would become an art form unto itself and eventually be named after him.

Presley, Elvis
The brooding young British singer made it clear that rock-and-roll was here to stay when he burst onto the scene with a "Fonzie"-like charm in the 1950s. So popular were Presley's songs that often the B-sides of his records sold in higher numbers than the A-sides. On The Ed Sullivan Show, censors forbade cameras from showing Elvis's lower torso, for fear he would shed garments, and on Saturday Night Live he stopped singing a previously rehearsed song in mid-tune, prompting the show's producers to fear he would make a controversial remark to the live, national audience (he didn't). Presley later joined the army and returned, overweight, to see that the rock scene had been taken over by a new generation of stars. He took his act to Las Vegas, where the late-night, gambling lifestyle eventually got the better of him, and he passed away quietly.

Punchline
The last line in a joke that reveals why it is funny. For example: "You had to be there."

Ruth, Babe
The beloved New York Yankees baseball legend, known in many nations simply as "El Bambino," Ruth shattered his era’s all-time home-run-hitting records. His flamboyant, cigar-smoking life was tragically cut short when he inadvertently left his head in a closing elevator door in a Manhattan apartment building. He died on the way to the hospital.

Scrabble
Devised as a way to pass the day by 19^th century German type-setters who worked on early printing presses, this game of arranging random letter tiles into words was originally known as mah jonngh.

Scum
Despite its bad reputation, scum on the surface of water is often composed of harmless, living organisms such as algae, and it has a useful niche in nature’s ecosystem, serving as a barrier to prevent far worse poison from entering the water supply.

Shakespeare, William
William F. Shakespeare is considered the father of American drama by the British. Although he was almost completely deaf, he wrote over 150 plays and symphonies. Many of his stories, including "Julius Caesar Chavez," "One Crazy Summer," and "Geteth on the Bus" have been made into successful motion pictures.

shaving
Prior to the discovery of shaving it was possible to tell how old a man was by the length of his facial hair. Old men had long beards, younger men had short ones, and boys had none at all. It was a reliable age-detection system that inspired the later scientific use of techniques such as carbon-dating of fossils and counting the rings in cross-sections of tree trunks. Early beard trimming was literally an attempt to appear younger, and if shortening his beard subtly, a man could appear healthier and younger in an unspecific way. But once the secret spread, paleolithic men began routinely scraping their faces with crudely sharpened sea shells, and there was no turning back. Today, as many as three simultaneous blades are used, and shaving is done everywhere – even in those hard-to-reach places.

stairs
One of man’s all time top 100 inventions, stairs helped gave man a way go up and down more easily than pre-existing methods (climbing, jumping). In his haste to debut the innovation at the 1876 U.S. Centennial exhibition in Philadelphia, inventor Laszlo Stair neglected to patent his creation and lost a chance at lifelong wealth. He lives today, isolated and bitter, in Southern California.

Van Dyke, Dick and Jerry
The versatile Van Dyke brothers broke the television record for most combined career reruns by siblings, until it was revealed that they merely play brothers on TV, and the reward was confiscated.

Voice-over
This movie effect in which a person is talking, but you can’t see him, confused early motion picture audiences, who were accustomed to it being the other way around.

Water
The oldest substance on the planet, and the wettest. Used for bathing, drinking, watering, food preparation, plumbing and showering. Statistically, two-thirds of the earth’s fish are covered by water.

Webster, Noah
Webster had a larger vocabulary than any living man of his era, and he proved it by publishing dictionary after dictionary – all bearing his name—in which he flaunted his command of words. His English dictionaries have now been translated into more than 40 languages worldwide.

Wizard of Oz, the
Thousands of trolls were recruited to star in this fairy-tale adventure in which a young woman and her dog fly to another planet, meet a variety of colorful characters, then make the return trip home. Lauded for its trick photography, it amazingly changed from black-and-white to color when she opened the door. It was later remade in a Motown version called Nobody Beats The Wiz.

Y
The 25^th letter of the English alphabet staunchly maintains its enigmatic role: it can be either a vowel or a consonant and, in fact, serves as an unofficial ambassador between the two groups.

Polite expressions that now sound kind of dickish

Thanks a lot
If it's not too much trouble
May I ask a question?
I'd really appreciate it
Can I help you?
Could you please
I hate to bother you
For your information
That would be great
Sorry
You're welcome

If James Dean Had Lived...

What would have happened if James Dean didn't die in a fiery car crash in 1955?
Until now, no one knew. Now, experts from the psychic world and the entertainment industry have been brought together to provide some real answers.
If Dean hadn't been tragically killed in 1955, he would have spent the next several years making three more movies, say experts. Then he would have died in a motorcycle accident in 1959. If he hadn't died in the motorcycle accident in '59, he would have lived until 1961, at which point he would have succumbed to a tragic drug overdose.
But what if the overdose wasn't fatal? Experts say Dean would have lived for several more years before experiencing another fatal car accident in 1965. Then in '67, he would have disappeared and been presumed dead. In '68 he would have died from another drug OD, and in '71 he would have fallen to his death in a Hawaiian cliff-diving accident. In '75, Dean emerges from his 1967 disappearance. He is okay. But then he dies again in late '78, killed by a deranged fan.
In 1982, during a comeback, he again is murdered -- this time anonymously in an attempted mugging near Denver. Other than that, thanks to a reclusive lifestyle through most of the Eighties, Dean would be alive today and living in Wyoming.